


A ship of his own

by Takishiro



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 05:38:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4251438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takishiro/pseuds/Takishiro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somewhere deep in his mind, there is a ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A ship of his own

Somewhere deep in his mind, there is a ship. He thinks it is the one he used to picture to himself when he was a child. Not a real one, a futility, an abstraction, but because of this abstraction he joined the Starfleet and jeopardized his relationship with his father and the whole of the clan. As a naive child, he imagined himself the captain of the vessel; when in Starfleet, he quickly understood that he could not count on captainship. Nor a Vulcan neither a Human crew would want him on the bridge, though for different reasons. Well, there is no point in wishing what can not be, and he had never sought this position ever since. Then there were the Entrerprise and Jim. Jim showed him what the real leadership was. Spock has never stopped admiring him, and has never spared as much as a thought to a ship of his own. He is Jim's XO; it is a satisfying and gratifying position, and it is all he needs, and certainly more than he has expected.  
But when she says that she would give him a ship of his own, that vessel re-emerges again.  
Since his return to the Enterprise after the Romulan mission, Spock has been thinking about this ship - a new one, which would combine Vulcan, Romulan and Human technologies. She would have Vulcan controls, which had never been installed on huge Federation ships because of its complexity for other races. Everything which demands a high level of adaptivity would be Human, of course; and all security equipment must be Romulan. The invisibility device they have stolen is only one of Romulan achievements in technology.   
Spock starts spending a lot of time on his ship, instead of his usual meditation. Finally he says to himself that it is, in fact, a kind of meditation; walking down the corridors of the vessel soothes him more than any standard Vulcan technique. It is true, meditation is not supposed to bring pleasure... still, it would be illogical to refuse an efficient method only because it provides him some satisfaction.  
He now understands why Mr Scott is so reluctant to leave the Engineering. There is so much to do on a spacecraft; always something to build, to repair, to innovate. He stays on the Enterprise during his shift, but, in the intimacy of his own quarters, returns to his ship. She is new, sparkling, thoroughly beautiful. 

He is not yet sure about her crew. Spock does not know if he wants Jim there. Not because a ship cannot have two captains, and Spock is certainly the captain of that one, but because Jim is everywhere already. Spock doesn't know what he could not do for Jim, and the thought is disturbing.  
But the ship already has a name, even if Spock knows he has no right to use it.   
Since they have bidden goodbye to each other at the transporter platform, Spock has been trying not to think of her. (The research that he has made does not count; he only wanted to be sure she had not been submitted to disciplinary measures following the incident. He had to abort the research soon, knowing that if he showed excessive interest towards a Romulan commander, the Starfleet authorities could take an interest in the Enterprise). What is, is; there is no point in wishful thinking. But he is still disturbed by what he has done - what he and Jim have done. Their actions can only qualify as unethical, in Vulcan, Romulan or Human culture. Of course, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, and with the new device the Romulan may have become simply indestructible and dangerous to the whole of the Federation. But he remembers the words of Surak: there is an honest means to achieve any goal, and if there is none, the goal is not worth achieving.   
It occurs to him that what he feels in Human tradition would be called "remorse".   
Remorse is highly illogical.  
And still, he feels it; and when, several months after the mission, he finds himself tied to an interrogation chair on a Romulan vessel, he cannot help experiencing a grim relief. There is logic in the fact that he has been caught by the Romulans. Dr McCoy would have said that this is... karma, yes.   
(Dr McCoy was against that operation. "Don't let him go, Jim, can't you see, the hobgoblin is lovesick and suicidal! Yeah, I know these three words can't fit in the same dictionary, but I recognize a suicidal behaviour when I see it!"  
His captain was also reluctant: indeed, a distress call so close to the Romulan neutral zone could have easily been a trap.   
But it was still a distress call. A certain captain Finn of the starship Hibernia claimed having been assaulted by a Romulan bird of prey. The attack had been repelled, but the Hibernia had seriously suffered, and the engines were KO. It was a broad range SOS: the crew didn't know the Enterprise was in a close proximity. But the captain of the Enterpise knew it; and Spock knew Jim would never forgive himself for ignoring such a call.   
Spock volunteered to go with several security officers. He spoke Romulan; if something was amiss with the vessel, he would understand it easier than anyone else.   
Jim only nodded. He always knew when Spock really wanted to go. When he needed it.   
So Spock went. And he was right, he understood everything very easily. But not quickly enough to get beamed back, only to disable the communicator: the Enterprise was testing the Romulan cloak, and Spock did not wish for the Romulans to find her coordinates). 

He is transferred to another ship. The Romulans must have been waiting for him. One of them is subcommander Tal: he grins violently at Spock, so it becomes evident that he is emotionally compromised. Spock knows already what kind of query he will be asked. For a short while he is curious with their interrogation techniques, but then it turns out his captors count on a sheer physical force and rudimentary tools. Unlike her, they believe they can make a Vulcan talk. This corroborates what he has supposed already: that her intellect is superior to that of the majority.   
Spock listens attentively to what they say, even if the odds that he comes back to Jim are minimal. At a certain point, he understands they talk about her, about them. Gossip must have exaggerated what happened in reality, and they are spoken about as a sort of... couple. It is meant to insult him, but instead it fills him with an irrational sensation of longing.  
Then the interrogation starts, and Spock retreats to his ship. He raises the shields against the inevitable attack of pain. Nothing can touch him here.   
When he comes around, the attack is over. The pain which surrounded him has receded. He thinks he is in sickbay: Jim, as always, has employed an unconventional technique to retrieve him from the hands of the Romulans. He is indeed in sickbay, but it does not belong to the Enterprise. Nor does it belong to the Hibernia: this one is much larger. Spock has become accustomed to Dr McCoy, but he does not want anyone else to see his weakness. He tries to rise.  
\- No, - there is a slight pressure to this forehead. For a second, Spock thinks he's delirious. But delirium is unknown to Vulcans. She is beautiful; as beautiful as his ship.   
\- Commander ? He ventures in a rasping voice.   
\- Rest, - is all she says.  
Spock remembers he has to tell her something important, but he only manages:   
\- You are... like a ship. You have... shielded me.   
The damage must be more considerable than he has thought: he is painfully incoherent.  
There is a fleeting sensation of two fingers stroking his temple, more painful that the torture he's gone through.   
Then there is nothing.   
When he awakens again, the sickbay is empty, and the lights are low. Spock is not restrained, and with some efforts he manages to get up. There is no doctor in sight, but someone has obviously worked on his injuries: the cuts and the burns are patched with a regenerator. His limbs tremble a little; there is an unpleasant sensation in his fingers, but otherwise he is functional. His uniform is not. After some searching, Spock finds a kind of surgical blouse: it will have to do.   
No communicator, no phaser: no wonder.   
For some reason, they have left a prisoner unguarded; he could search for a means of communication, but decides against it. Instead, he ventures outside the medbay. He recognizes the Romulan bird of prey as he advances in the corridor; but something is definitely amiss. The lights are no more than 20% everywhere, as if the ship was running in economical mode. It could be so if the ship was safely on an orbit, the majority of the crew on shore leave. But there is an unmistakable sound suggesting they are on warp. The guards are few. Scarcely any people on the deck. Through the fog which still surrounds him, Spock begins to understand.   
\- Stop.  
The lone guard is tired and very young; Spock could have easily knocked him out. But there is something unsettling in the strange grin the guard gives him, and when the boy nods, Spock follows him, even if there is no tangible reason to do that. On the contrary, logic suggest that he has to find and then, try and establish the bird's coordinates to understand what to do.   
The guard brings Spock to the bridge - and the Commander is there. 

\- Well, she says, looking at him, - This is quite an attire.  
\- Please excuse my appearance. It seems that my uniform is out of use.   
There are suspiciously few people on the bridge as well. All of them seem to be so submerged by their tasks they hardly pay any attention to Spock. A very concentrated helmsman, a young girl who shares her attention between the communications' console and the weapon control, and a few others looking as they don't belong here.   
A glance to the screen proves that whoever is following the bird of prey is not "Enterprise": in this case, the ship would be advancing towards the Romulan space, which she is not. And Spock has no doubt the ship is followed. And they are reducing all possible energy, which means they have little. They'll be soon falling out of warp, into the hands of the followers.   
\- You have spared me an unpleasant procedure, and I wish to express my gratitude. How can I be of use?  
\- I think you have already done enough, - it seems that she'd wanted her voice to be sharp, but it's not; it's tired.   
He is standing there simply looking at her, and feeling like all his controls, all his techniques are absolutely useless. He remembers now everything Dr McCoy said about the traditional human sickness they call love, claiming that he, as a Vulcan, should be totally immune. Little did he know.  
She is beautiful, but not as the last time. She looks fatigued, worn out, her face haggard, but there is still light in her eyes. Desperate light.   
\- I believe you know how to use the communications' console. Call your captain and ask him to beam you back. This is not a safe place... for anyone.  
Spock freezes. So that's what she'd wanted all along: for him to contact the Enterprise. The Praetor's might show mercy if the Cloak device is restored to Romulus.   
He did not know emotions can have a physical effect - but her contempt is tangible, and it stings.  
\- Do you really think I would attack the Enterprise with... this crew?   
He does not, but she could still attempt to trade his life for the device. In truth, Spock does not believe it all has been planned. But she had also believed him, and the result was devastating. Besides, it would be logical for the Romulans to respond to their show with a performance of their own.  
In any event, it is irrelevant.   
\- I do not know where the Enterprise is, he says honestly. - They adopted a random movement pattern before I departed. And I seem to have misplaced my communicator.   
\- Send a general SOS, - she says wearily, as if she had no time to reason with him.   
\- Commander, why are you being chased?   
\- After our...little adventure I have been accused of conspiracy with the enemy and of high treason.   
She says nothing else, so Spock can only guess what they did to her - or were prepared to do, that such a loyal subject of Romulan Empire refused to submit herself to the authorities.   
"The execution... is painful and unpleasant"...  
Spock is sure it is not about the pain or the unpleasantness of the execution. It must be something infinitely graver, to make her act as a rebel. Maybe it is about the ship; because they wanted to take the ship from her.  
Or it is something else.   
He feels an irrational surge of pride understanding that there are still enough people with her to drive a ship. Her crewmembers certainly do understand they will be either dead or captured and severely punished by the Empire.  
The girl turns to her from the console:  
\- That's it, commander. We'll not make it to Cearus 1.  
Spock finally understands where they are headed. Сearus 1 is on the frontier of the Romulan space: it is not the Empire neither the Federation.   
Stars reappear on screen, their light cruel and calm. Spock concentrates on the screen: the quadrant is familiar to him; the Enterprise has already sailed here. He resituates the schema of the quadrant: there is a triangle of planets generating chaotic electromagnetic emissions generally known as "skidding effect". When there is skidding, the instrument readings are most imprecise. While taking a risk to be lost in space, they would most certainly throw the chasers off the trail... But their chances to get there on impulse power before being destroyed are inferior to 0.1%.   
For a while, the bridge is silent. There is no time to waste in questions, but again, he cannot help himself.   
\- Why did you retrieve me?   
\- They made a show out of your interrogation. They must have thought we were... better acquainted than we are in reality.   
\- That is what I was given to understand, too, he says softly. - But I was under impression that such a show could bring you some measure of satisfaction...  
\- Oh but it did. In the beginning. But then, they wanted me to react... and I've reacted. They didn't realise the shields on their vessel had been designed by my engineer... and that engineer is still with me. You must understand the temptation I finally gave in to...  
\- So you spent precious energy to pierce their shields, and lowered your own in order to retrieve me, he says in a disapproving tone he usually saves for his captain. The commander doesn't answer.  
He does not have time to tell her how illogical it was to save him after what he did.   
\- I see them, Madam, reports the girl, - on the starboard side. They are approaching.   
\- Prepare for an imminent attack!   
There is nothing to prepare, with such lack of energy their shields must be nonexistent. A phaser blow strikes the ship, and Spock rushes to the console.   
\- There is an asteroid belt at seven o'clock. If you could get the ship behind it, it would gain us some time.   
The helmsman nods, too strained even to be surprised. There is a slight tremor in his fingers, but his movements are confident. He glances at his captain for a confirmation, but initiates a manoeuvre before obtaining it.   
\- You are certainly not going to fight for a Romulan on a Romulan vessel? It is not your war, Commander Spock. Try to call your captain and let him beam you back.   
She stands there, alone and proud. She's prepared to fight alone, with the skeleton crew left to her. Spock understands now what they mean when they say bravery is splendid. He has always thought it either necessary or senseless - until now.   
\- My captain and his ship are not in immediate danger. You are.   
\- Your Federation will not understand.  
Another phaser blow. No torpedo's yet. Subcommander Tal seems to play a game the Human known as "cat and mouse". Spock recalls the insults thrown by the subcommander.  
They must have thought we were... better acquainted than we are in reality.   
Spock could only imagine what sort of illogical gossip was brought forth after her involuntary stay on the Enterprise.   
Humiliation, and not execution, is what she wishes to avoid. Spock understands her only too well.   
\- You have saved a Federation officer, putting your own life in jeopardy. You have risen against the Romulan authorities and are now being chased by a Romulan vessel. These are sufficient reasons to consider you as a political refugee entitled to protection.   
\- I would never have sought asylum in Federation.   
There is a slight contempt in her voice. Indeed, she would have not.  
\- You could, however, seek shelter on Vulcan. It seems to be the most logical path to take in your situation. Therefore I assume you will take it, even in my assumption is proven incorrect in the future.   
\- Is it not illogical to assume?   
He wants to tell her his logic fails where she is concerned but is prevented from it by a ducking manoeuvre; the next moment, they are behind the asteroid belt. Now they can attempt to progress into the skidding zone. Then... it will give them time. Steadying himself, he manages to get into the chair near the helmsman.   
...As to the console, on his ship it will be a Vulcan one. The Romulan consoles are highly impractical.

**Author's Note:**

> You know English was invented in Russia, right?


End file.
